literature

Not a True Story

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Published: Oct 22, 2015

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Literature Text

This story I have been told, needed a "big fat disclaimer to avoid scandal!"
Whoever told me this was more well versed in people then I, so I figured they were right and proceeded to heed their advice.

Disclaimer;

This not a true story.
Not at all. The people probably aren't real, the names are most likely not real either, and the events in the story are almost certainly improbable. Even the writing style of this so called story is debatable.
If you're looking for truth, go look somewhere else as this story is full or whimsy and most probably borderline slander. But that's what you get when a student panics about an upcoming test (on that same day no less) and is trying to steady her nerves.

We all know Travis, well you might not, but don't let that bother you too much.

Anyways, Travis is the nice young man with a taste for Yerba tea and an amazing amount of of know-what on the various forms of native fauna in my Marine Bio class.

He wasn't that hard on the eyes either, and I'm pretty sure half the girls in the class got pretty swoony whenever he was around on account of his looks and brain. And to top it all off, he was missing his left arm from the elbow down, having a very respectable and serious looking contraption as a placeholder.

I know all this because because he sits at an advantageous table in front of mine. It's not quite as advantageous as my table, since I'm right next to a fish tank full of amusing creatures, but his is closer to a door and still fairly close to the fish tank.

Now for how he lost the arm.

One day, Travis was out hunting for Brant, or deer, or maybe he was out bother the clams or abalone. He was fixing to kill something and eat it. Anyways, as he was going around with the intent of culinary murder on his mind, he was greeted by a strange woman who appeared from seemingly nowhere.

She was probably a fairy, or a nymph. Maybe a troll-wife.

So she says ' hullo' and he says 'hullo' back. She then asked him what was he doing? To which he replied that he was bothering the wildlife so that he could eat it.

“That's very good,” she said, “but how would you like to have all the knowledge of the creatures of water and land hereabouts?” (She was fay, and they're always suddenly offering deals on a whim).

“Well,” he said cautiously, “that doesn't seem too bad.....”

“I'll need you to cut off your right arm in exchange Travis,” she warned (of course she knew his name, they always do).

“How about my left arm?” he asked.

She said fine, she'd take that just as well.

“How about only half of it?” he asked.

She said fine to that as well.

“How about only my pinky?” he tried.

She told him not to push it.

So the deal was struck, half of his left arm for all the knowledge of the creatures in the sea and on the land hereabouts. Then the fairy pulled out a huge crab claw and snipped half his arm right off! She was good enough to make sure he wouldn't bleed to death, before turning her part of the arm into a pink box full of doughnuts, disappearing without a trace.

And that is how Travis Adams lost his arm.

If you think you can do better, let's hear your version of it.